Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Deep Thoughts...


Normally, I would get on here to write about a select musician or band who has done this, that or the other to piss me off for the day. That's just the eternal pessimist in me. On a very rare occasion, I'll actually scribble down something happy or slightly positive. Or maybe I'll attempt to keep you, my very special readers, in the know about the latest breaking music news. There are no doubts in my mind that you don't come to this blog first for that news because there are a couple blogs that I read on a daily (and that you can find listed to the right) that do a much better job at that. Regardless of why you have found yourself here or why you keep returning to read my rants (a very big, deep, heartfelt thank you for that), I hope at the very least that my blog keeps you mildly entertained.

For me, this blog is all about venting about one of the longest, most emotional, most fulfilling relationships I've ever had. My better half in this relationship is music. Whether it was sifting through my father's hundreds of vinyl records or running home from school every day to see the video for Home Sweet Home or playing the violin for the first time or knowing instantly that my fiance was "the one" because he knew who Badlands was, music has always played an essential role in my life. It is always there when I need it the most. It picks me up when I'm down. It sits there with me patiently as I wallow in my own misery. It puts a smile on my face when nothing else can. It understands me completely for who I am. It is one of the very few constant positives in my life.

Sometimes I add writing to my musical relationship for a menage a trois, just to spice things up a little bit. Even though writing is one of my greatest passions in life, my relationship with it is a little more volatile. Writing is definitely there in my time of need when I'm so angry, hurt, frustrated or happy that I must get the emotion out of my body and onto paper, but sometimes it falls short and doesn't deliver. That damn writer's block is like a chastity belt sometimes; it keeps all the goods locked up tight so my desire can't come to fruition. And sometimes my lust for writing comes and goes only because I've got so much going on in my life that it's difficult to get a moment to sit down and make it happen (or my brain just feels empty and there's nothing coming out of it). Regardless of how long I stray from my writing, I can always pick it back up and it feels like no time has passed between us.

Recently, I was incredibly frustrated with my life and my writing and the direction it was going...or not going. It's been a struggle from the beginning to get to where I want to go in my journalistic career (no thanks to you Wright State University for NEVER offering the media writing classes I needed!). I lucked out here and there and actually got my writing published, but it never developed into anything else. Eventually, I just sort of gave up on journalism as a whole and moved on with trying to find some way to support myself, and then my writing turned into a hobby, and eventually I ended up here with a blog.

After religiously reading a certain blog, I finally got fed up with myself. Said blog is fantastic, well written, humorous, read by many, and has actually been nominated for awards. The writer is adorable, married, tattooed, a mom to a toddler and still manages to work, go to school (recently graduated), and keep up her kick ass blog. She has a pretty stellar resume to boot. So I stopped and asked myself, "Christine, what the hell is wrong with you? You can do this. You can really do this. You can be successful at writing. Don't be scared anymore." So I gave myself a pep talk, and hopped onto myspace to add as many people to my blog profile friend list as possible.

While I was cyber stalking on myspace, I happened to run into the profile of someone I never thought I'd run into. A hero. My hero. One of my journalistic heroes. Let's just say that my hero, who will be referred to as Hero from here on out, has spent a ridiculous amount of time in the music industry, is a legendary music journalist, and has such a knack with the written word that reading his work makes me want to break keyboards and break my fingers so I can write ever again. So of course I send him a friend request with a little note that says something like, "I'm an aspiring journalist. You're my idol." Never expecting to get a response from him in my life, I clicked the "Add to Friends" button and moved on to the next sucker I was going to add.

But to my surprise, Hero responded. I didn't even know what to do with myself. I was stunned. It was a simple, inquisitive response, but I was honored that he actually wanted to know more about me. And from there, we had a few email converstations back and forth. What he wrote to me were probably the most genuine, inspirational, motivational words I have ever read. To have your hero give you the pep talk to end all pep talks is flattering to say the least. Sure, my friends and family have said kind words to boost my ego and have said some pretty inspirational things to me, but it's not the same. Not that their words don't mean as much, but it's almost as if they are required to feed my self esteem because they love me. Hero doesn't know me from the next guy and still felt the need to try to give me a back bone.

Thanks to Hero, I have a new found faith in myself and in my writing. There's more determination flowing through my veins than ever before. I have a fire to perfect my craft, to drive it in a new direction, to turn it into a less volatile relationship.

There are new plans brewing in this brain of mine. For my blog, I want to expand my readership somehow,some way. And as hard as it's going to be for me, I'm going to try my best to put out more substance and less opionion. Yeah, yeah, yeah...I know. It's easier said than done, but I'll take baby steps and still put in my two cents when I deem necessary.

My ultimate goal is to write a book. That's right. I said it. I'm going to write a book. It's a lofty goal, I know, but one I'm sure I can accomplish one day. I've been trying for years to write a book but have never been able to come up with a worthwhile idea or worthwhile content. But now, I've got it. There's an idea, an outline, a plan, and eventually the content will come. Researching for the book, writing random articles, and writing in my blog will prepare me and train me to fulfill my dream. And yes folks, my book idea definitely revolves around music. It may never get to Barnes & Noble or Amazon. It may never leave the city I live in. Hell, it may never get published, but as long as I put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard) and write it out for myself, my mission will be accomplished. And that my friends is fulfillment.

So thank you Hero. Thanks for lighting the fire under my ass. Although you typed only a few chosen words to me, they opened my eyes.

9 comments:

Mrs Munster said...

For me both music and writing are therapy. Things that keep me more or less sane. The problem with anything artistic, whether is music, art, writing is "the block" , which I think is a cause of too much self criticism. Absolutely keep on writing. It's always nice to come here to read your blog.

Jay Amabile said...

I don't think you should chintz on sharing your opinions. That's what I come to read. Your personality is what people want. Your new header image shows off your style, which is awesome. Screw substance! You don't have to be a pulitzer prize winning author to be loved and appreciated by many. Either way, I look forward to joining you on your mission!

Hell On High Heels said...

Ha! Don't worry. As much as I try, I don't think I'll be able to keep my opinions to myself. My next blog will make that VERY evident. :)

Thanks to you both for reading! :)

Hard Rock Hideout said...

Good to know someone else out there appreciates Badlands! =)

Midori said...

I've only bgeun reading your blog fairly recently but I check it every day and I'm always excited if I see ther eis new post so you must be doing something right :)

Alan Bennett claims that writers block is the natural state of people. It's actually being able to get any words out that is odd.

Hard Rock Hideout said...

I must be one odd mofo then...lol.

Sparky said...

I come here because I enjoy your opinions, your rants, your thoughts. You entertain me. You interest me. You should just do what feels natural - and I'm sure you will find your niche. I completely relate to your need and desire with and for music - it drives me as well. It has been there for me when all else has failed, and continues to be my strength. Just keep that in your heart - whether you rant or write about the "mundane" - as long as it's true to you, it will show true to your reader.

Adam said...

Just came across your blog from Hard Rock Hideout and you really are a fantastic writer. I loved this post and I'm glad to see you're following your aspirations. I know how it feels in a way to get that bit of self-confidence boost you need (I've been doing photography for a while now with concerts being my favorite and caught a break thanks to an awesome pretty well known band). Keep it up, I'm looking forward to your future posts here and at HRH.

Adam said...

Oh and I wouldn't ask you to change your opinion on Rush. Just because they're talented doesn't mean they sound good :)